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Matt Cyr's avatar

Wonderful post. Really love the shout out and link for your mom’s book. That’s class.

One thing I couldn’t help think about as I was reading, and it’s related to the 3rd footnote and binary nature of either wanting to emulate or do the complete opposite of what our parents did… how much of the “do this / don’t do that” way of course-correcting that occurs in raising children then translates to how we apply lessons from our parents as adults. Subconsciously, we often pick a side when the best option is likely more somewhere in the middle.

If as parents we are able to acknowledge more “both things can be true” situations (good you stuck up for your brother, him being called a nerd didn’t warrant punching the other boy in the face) - our children may find more middle ground in our examples as parents.

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Sam Sager's avatar

Thanks Matt! such good points about raising children and the middle path. I hadn't thought of it like that, but an appreciation of nuance vs. all-or-nothing approach is definitely something I hope to instill in our kids.

in some ways, i think this resistance to or discomfort in the messy middle is a defining part of modern culture. so much seems to pull us towards extremes and I have to keep relearning how to get comfortable in that middle area. was riffing on this in my last post and curious if you can relate for even things like hobbies: https://newsletter.samsager.com/p/defining-enough

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Rick Foerster's avatar

The other commercial that comes to mind is Never, by State Farm. It's the one that goes:

"I'm never... having kids / moving to suburbs / buying a van."

I too have shifted my full-on resistance of my parents to acceptance. I see parts of my parents more in myself now. I see the good in how they've shaped me. And overall, I better understand simply: "they tried their best."

Commercial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YufxHtZHaSE

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Sam Sager's avatar

haha I forgot about this state farm commercial but its so good. it hits on why I've found it so valuable to be willing to evolve beyond the stories and scripts of earlier stages of life. a simple funny example... I vowed to my wife that I would never ever ever play softball, much less coed softball, as a baseball purist. but turns out playing with a bunch of friends was a ton of fun.

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Rick Foerster's avatar

You made me go down memory lane on this one...

Maybe one of the greatest moments on my time on earth was, back in 2008, as a left fielder I made a diving, game-winning catch to win our softball league championships on the Ellipse in DC overlooking the White House. It was a controversial catch because the other team claimed I dropped it (I didn't). Epic moment.

What also sticks out about the game was that our opponent was vastly superior and had dominated us earlier in the season. They had these huge guys that could crush homers. Well, we had a smart strategist who, for the championship, had us play with 4! outfielders (no 2nd baseman). And since this was a field with no fence, we would just back up absurdly far... and these bozos couldn't resist trying to crush it.

On the game winning catch, they popped it up in front of me and I remember having to sprint a long distance because I was so far back.

Anyways... very random, but thanks for letting me replay that memory!

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Sam Sager's avatar

yesss! what a story and visual. im imagining the poor umpire with those bulky bozos racing out of their dugout to protest your catch. glad the catch held up and you got your moment of glory.

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Rick Foerster's avatar

Company softball in my early 20s… those were the glory years!

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